Updated: Jun 2, 2022
It's been a minute! After an incredible year and a half in Bali, I'm now back in BC, amongst the mountains, lakes + rivers, surrounded by pines, and with access to all the maple syrup my heart desires ;)
I've been spending time with my nieces + nephews and my friends kids, and i've just been in awe of their ability to be so fully themselves, playful, full of joy (of course there are tantrums too!), all heart and all about the cuddles.
I can't help but wonder, at what point does all of that begin to change? I guess it probably happens in increments, some memorable and some insignificant moments over time when we're taught to turn it down, to dim our light to make sure we don't outshine anyone, to hide certain parts of ourselves to fit in, so that we'll be loved + accepted...
I remember when that significant moment came for me, at 13 years of age...(clearly I hadn't accumulated much shame by 6 years old, can you guess which one is me? ← 😂).
I was standing in the centre court of my high school when my 3 best friends walked up, put a letter in my hand and walked away.
The letter read "Here's a list of all the things you need to change about yourself in order for people to like you". At the bottom of a long list was the final statement in all caps ~ "stop being so annoying!".
My heart immediately sank...I was crushed. In that moment I believed that it was no longer ok to be myself, and that in order to be loved + accepted I had to turn my bright + bubbly nature way down, and hide the real me away in the shadows.
Over the years that bright self popped up, but it wasn't until I did the crucial shadow work and reprogramming of my subconscious limiting belief attached to this experience, that I finally allowed my true self to be seen and fully stepped into my highest path + purpose as a yogini, a lightworker, a Reiki healer, a mentor and an inspiration for others.
Perhaps you have a similar story, an experience that made you feel like you needed to change who you were to be loved, or left you feeling like you weren't worthy or "enough"; a story that might be holding you back from claiming your power and creating the life you desire.
In my experience speaking with friends, in women's circles and with clients, many of us do, so I've created A Guide to Shadow Reprogramming to show you how you can go in and start the reprogramming process.
***This is a general guide. There are many nuances to this practice and every person's experience is unique - so if you feel called to move through this process with guidance and support, you can learn more here: work with me.
Step 1 → Bring to mind an area of your life where you feel stuck. Maybe there's something you've been calling in, something you desire to do with your life or bring into your life, but something is holding you back.
Close your eyes and bring that desire into your heart. Do you feel deserving of it? If, for even a moment, there is hesitation - explore that.
From the perspective of your Highest self, the most loving, compassionate + curious part of yourself: check in with that smaller part of yourself, the part who is in pain, stuck in a moment in your past. Listen to her, notice where she is in your body, and put a hand on that place. Reassure her that she is not alone, and ask her to show you why she's in pain, what she's afraid of and why she feels undeserving.
Allow yourself to travel back to a memory in your past, taking note of any significant moments where you experienced shame, where you felt abandoned or any experience where you felt unworthy or unloved for any reason.
Hold on to that memory, we'll come back to it when we get to step 5.
Step 2 → Search "Theta brain music" on your choice of music platform ie. Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube etc. You're looking for an option that allows you to access your subconscious mind in Theta state (4-7 Hz).
Put your headphones on and try a few options before you choose to see which one resonates with you.
Step 3 → Lay back in a cosy nest of pillows + blankets, a sleep mask or eye pillow is a nice addition. If you fall asleep, try a seated position next time around.
Step 4 → For the first five minutes scan your body with your awareness, check in with your breath and relax into the exhale, noticing the moment of rest before the inhale arrives, and continue to drop deeply into that space at the end of each breath. Visualise yourself in the place where you feel most calm + relaxed, perhaps in nature, and feel your body becoming heavier + heavier.
Step 5 → Bring back the memory from step 1. In that moment, when she was shamed, abandoned, was left feeling unworthy - or whatever her experience was - what did that version of yourself need? Did she need to say something, express herself in some way? Did she need to be protected, seen or heard?
Bring forward your Highest Self. The most compassionate adult version of yourself, the part of you who is unchanging, inherently worthy, radiating love, emanating light.
As this Self, offer your support, love + protection to your little self. Remind her that she is safe now, that she is loved and that you will always be here for her. Let her know that she is more than enough, just as she is, and worthy of everything her heart desires in this life.
Step 6 → Take as long as you need, steeping in the feeling of your younger self being held and supported in love + compassion. If you had more than one memory come up, repeat over the next few days with each memory.
I hope it serves you well 💛 let me know how you get on with it!